he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
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