It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Someone came in the potted fern
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
