someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize