I'm gonna have a badass scar
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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