Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
