I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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