I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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