he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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