should my penis look like a turkey
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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