i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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