Swine flu. Run for my life!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize