if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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