her vagine was all disorganized.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
