we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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