He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
