If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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