He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
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Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
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She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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