just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize