Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm both gender and math confused
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
