You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
