im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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