I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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