Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
