Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
