I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
