I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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