We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
