My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
