OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
