Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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