Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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