oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
