tonight lets celebrate not being married
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
