Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
this is an emotional support booty call
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize