I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
