In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
