I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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