So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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