so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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