I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
