currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
