batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
