You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
