hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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