i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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