so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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