Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
