People with herpes should wear stickers.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
