I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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