she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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