i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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