Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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