what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
