maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
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Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
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On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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