She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
