So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize