There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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