i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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